The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize