I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
