The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
