sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
