i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
