i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
