I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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