Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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