i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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