No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
