I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
