My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
