Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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