I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize