I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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