just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Less talking, more tequila
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
