The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
