did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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