Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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