All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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