But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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