It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
