That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
