the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
