I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize