I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
