It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
