i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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