I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize