So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
