im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
