Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
