I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
