she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Two words: blizzard sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
