the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
