his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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