I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
