hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
