We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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