Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
