I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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