just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
