I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
