smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
