Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
