omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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