I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize