when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
