it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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