my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
