possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
