If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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