youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize