just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
