i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
