I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You have to summon your inner elephant
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
