There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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