The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
