Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize