Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
