Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
