It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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