My brain says no but my pants say off.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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