dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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