it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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