Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
