I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
