Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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