I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
