So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
