Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
